The Misadventures of Spock
by MangoTango450
Summary: Jazz and Nadia are young Cadets eager to cause mayhem on the Enterprise. Spocks in illogical hell.
1. Chapter 1

I just felt like writing about me and my friend messing with Spock haha.

Jazz ;)

Day 1:

It was just another day at the Enterprise when Naida and Jazz stepped onto the captains deck. Their arms were looped together and they both stared in awe, mouths agape, they had been assigned to offer help where needed while Sulu was away.

The captain, kirk, swiveled in his chair to look at the two ensigns and offered the two lovely ladies a dashing smile. The girls swooned and Jazz whooped. Commander Spock looked up at them with his usual non emotional face and raised an eyebrow at the commotion. Nadia dramatically flopped on the ground and made dying whale noises, exclaiming that she couldn't handle the feels. Spock looked at the Captain "Sir, I do believe that that human female is showing signs of insanity". Kirk was almost tempted to agree but he figured that this would be a hilarious pass time "None sense, she's just... Being excited?" He laughed.

The girls remembered their manners and stood to attention "Sorry sir, we're just happy, sir!" Jazz exclaimed excitedly.

"At ease, your names Cadets?" He asked with a eyebrow wiggle.

The girls giggled and Nadia stepped forward "Nadia, and", Jazz stepped forward "Jazz".

"Pleasure" He looked the two girls up and down, happy that he had such a sexy crew.

After that, everyone went back to work and Nadia was left to stare at the Vulcan. Jazz looked at her silently trying to tell what the other girl was thinking. Nadia broke out into a huge smile and looked deviously at Jazz "Follow my lead" she mouthed at Jazz.

"So Commander Spock sir, wonderful day in space isn't it? Although I miss it raining cats and dogs on earth" Nadia started in small talk, trying desperately to look casual.

"I'm sorry Cadet, I was not aware that it rains mammals on earth, that isn't at all accurate" Spock stared blankly at her.

"Of course not, I guess you really do know how to shoot the cow in the knee!" Jazz joined in evilly and completely made up a metaphor, if even that.

"I have never 'shot a cow in the knee'"Spock was starting to look just a tiny bit confused, the girls imagined.

"What ever you say Commander" the girls chimed together. Aware that Captain Kirk was trying to choke down his laughter in the background.

That marked the day when things at the Enterprise slowly turned into illogical hell for Spock.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews :D

Warning: Alcohol and mild language, suggestive images?

Day: 18

"You know what would be funny?"

Nadia looked up at her friend from the bottom bunk, completely sprawled out in an unladylike fashion, and asked Jazz what that would be.

"If Commander Spock was drunk!" She exclaimed proudly and broke out into laughter. Almost rolling off the top bunk in their cramped room.

"Dude, you're a genius" Nadia smirked.

The girls realized that getting their Commander intoxicated was no easy matter and that they could get fired if anyone found out. However it was a risk they were willing to take.

They threw around half assed ideas all week, things like spiking the punch at a party. But there were no parties. Or knocking him out like a spy, and forcing him to drink peppermint schnapps.

"Do Vulcans even get drunk with human liquor...?" Nadia asked after about two hours of endless debate on how to get the job done.

"I dunno dude... I'm a Cadet, not a Doctor man!" She ended with angst. "But you know who is?".

"Docter Bone me McCoy?!" Nadia giggled.

Jazz snorted and the two girls ran off to get top secret information about Vulcan intoxication. They brought their Peppermint Schnapps to help with the bargaining.

Dr. McCoy awoke to loud and annoying banging on his door. The only people who he knows that bang on doors instead of using the transmitter on the door were annoying people (ex. Kirk). So he wasn't looking forward to opening it.

"Hey dreamy-"

"Give me the sorcerers stone-" the girls said at the same time.

Dr. McCoy raised his eyebrow at the two woman. He had gotten drunk with them at several New Year's Eve parties and played cards with them during slow days. "Evening ladies" He drawled politely.

The girls smiled and Jazz raise a bottle of Liquor.

~35 minutes Later~

Nadia was already half undressed for no apparent reason and McCoy was starting to slur after he brought out his Brandy when they ran out of Schnapps. Jazz was almost sober and clearly winning their game of UNO, to Nadia's growing drunken frustration.

"NOOOO YOU'RE CHEATING" Nadia accused at the evilly cackling Jazz.

Bones smiled and started using long southern metaphors that the girls didn't fully understand so they just smiled and laughed.

"Sooooo, I've always wondered, what gets Vulcans drunk?" Jazz asked casually.

"They can't tolerate chocolate, makes them more giggly then my aunt Claire on NyQuil" Bones drawled laughing and swaying.

Nadia started laughing too, rolling on the ground "CHOCOLATE?!" She screamed. Tears ran down her face because her stomach hurt from laughing.

Jazz looked positively devious and Bones forgot why he was laughing, so he kept laughing.


End file.
